Pleasures and Pains..

It's been a while since I last posted, so I thought I'd do an update on Mademoiselle...

 

Firstly, we have entered the crazy stage of teething about a few weeks ago, and I can finally see the whiteness beneath her gums which I'm assuming must be the monsters that are putting her through her painful misery. I must admit, I havent found her to be unbearable but it has definitely been bugging her to a point where she will wake up crying (yes, she has become quite aware of the fact that she is able to cry and as a result has been engaging in crying episodes more often). Teejel has become her best friend during these instances, which relieves her in addition to chewing on my finger as she is not comforted by teething toys yet. She often fails to finish her whole feed because of the discomfort, and will eventually need me to soothe her off to sleep. Accompanying the screams and moans, are the runny poop nappies LOL. Teething does not cause SIGNIFICANT diarrhoea; babies are just more likely to have looser, semi-formed stools more frequently. (Diarrhoea is caused by infection, so be wary if your baby has diarrhoea as it could be a symptom of illness/sickness). So because they tend to put a variety of objects in their mouths (including hands) which may carry germs, their sensitive tummies react through excreting looser stool. Also, they produce excess saliva (causing them to drool more) which is thought to irritate the stomach. We got her an Amber Baltic teething necklace but whether it works or not, I wouldn't know (mind over matter, perhaps?). Some mothers swear by these necklaces, so I'll see how it goes and maybe give my take on it once we I've deciphered its effectiveness.

 

Family and friends tend to ask me quite often how I am coping with "sleepless nights" and, well, I really can't complain. The perks of having a formula-fed 4-month old (almost 5-months old) is that she sleeps really well, and for relatively longer periods at night. The older they become, the longer becomes their periods of sleep. So more often than not, she will sleep from about 10.00pm until around 6.00am the following morning, allowing us a good few hours of uninterrupted sleep. However, the opposite is also true; she is awake for longer periods during the day aswell, particularly in the mornings before her bath-time. Which means that the days of being able to have a quick shower during her nap-time and trying to find time to fit in a short nap myself are slowly fading..

 

Within the past month or so, she has also begun smiling and making coo noises more often. And yes, you could just fall in love with her all over again when she smiles at you. She has come to learn that when my phone camera is pointed in her direction, she must smile :) ofcourse I realise that she doesn't understand what a camera is, but it is truly fascinating that she responds with a smile at the sight of the camera. She has also started finding the musical mobile very intriguing. When the music plays, she is dead quiet, but as soon as it stops, she gazes at the mobile characters with a beaming smile and starts cooing at them to entertain her again (which is where I have established that the idea of a remote-controlled musical mobile will be relatively profitable in the baby industry lol). She can throw quite a tantrum when she is in the mood, and when nobody is taking note of her she will ensure that her voice is heard loud and clear.

 

Her hypotonic condition has resulted in some delays in reaching some milestones, of which laughing and squealing is one. Although she smiles and talks to us and coo's to her teddy bears, she is not laughing or making high-pitched squealing sounds yet, as many babies her age are doing. But she is constantly receiving physiotherapy which is helping her develop her strength very nicely alhamdulillah. Her neck is still a bit floppy, but she is getting stronger everyday, which is most evident when she performs during her feeds (she is not shy of throwing a bit of a bitch-fit especially when it comes down to food) She has improved so much and has come such a long way.

 

 

 

 

Recommendation: Dunstan Baby Language

 

Dunstan Baby Language by Priscilla Dunstan

 

Throughout my pregnancy, I was paranoid as to whether my baby would suffer from colic, or whether she would just simply be a cry-baby (thankfully she’s not). So I came across a DVD compiled by a former mezzo-soprano (a female singing voice whose range lies between the soprano and the contralto singing voices) Priscilla Dunstan who claims that infants’ cries can be categorized into 5 groups according to the sound of each cry. By recognizing the meaning of each cry, this approach aims at helping you as the caregiver to respond to the cry correctly before the infant reaches the stage of crying hysterically. Her claims are based on the idea that humans have reflexes (e.g. sneezing and hiccups) which creates a pre-emptive cry once sound is added to that reflex, thereby indicating what the baby requires (sleep, food, comfort, burp etc.).  She then shows the different ways of addressing the crying baby’s needs. Below are the five different baby cries and what they mean:

                “Eh” – baby wants to be burped

                “Neh” – baby wants to drink

                “Eairh” – baby has lower gas (flatulence or upset tummy)

                “Heh” – baby is experiencing discomfort (eg. hot or cold; need a nappy change)

                “Owh” – baby is tired

After watching the DVD and making notes in my “baby diary” (yes, I kept a journal of everything during my pregnancy from cravings to endless and unnecessary shopping lists of items that I would ‘need’ once baby is born lol) on the different cries to listen out for, I felt prepared for the worst. I must admit that when I read about the Dunstan Baby Language at first, the concept made no sense to me until I watched it and realised that there actually was a distinction between the different sounds of babies’ cries. Although Dunstan’s theory is not scientifically validated, thousands of moms have found the DVD to be useful on application especially during the early days of infanthood. Most first-time mothers find it difficult to determine whether their baby is crying because he/she has a wind or whether he/she was simply just tired, which is where we thank Priscilla Dunstan for making our lives that much easier. Even for a mother like me whose baby doesn’t feel the need to scream my ears off when she is hungry and/or tired, I learnt the different techniques for winding my baby. So in other words, I found it to be a good source of preparation before the little one arrives.

It is available on DVD and in paperback form. I see on the official website (http://www.dunstanbaby.com/) that it can now be downloaded as an application on your phone as well. I don’t celebrate Christmas (I am Muslim) but I thought for those who do, it can serve as a wonderful gift for somebody who is expecting. If there are any moms reading this who have tried the DBL, feel free to post a comment on how useful you found it and whether you recommend it. I, for one, most certainly do.

 

 

The Joys of Parenthood

I call it parenthood rather than motherhood because (as tempting as it may be), it would be incredibly unfair to steal all the credit for the amazing role my husband has played in our new journey of being parents. As my family and friends are well aware of already, I absolutely love my sleep. But things change when you have a baby, your life is no longer your own; it is totally and utterly controlled by the littlest human who is capable of making the biggest amount of noise. I am lucky in the sense that my baby is not a crier. And I don’t just say that out of bias; she is genuinely a quiet baby with a good temperament. A friend of mine also recently had a baby and she detests the fact that I am able to leave my baby in the room whilst I clean up, without having to listen to her screaming her lungs out. She is quite happy to be on her own (I guess she gets it from me lol). So I can’t really complain about pajama-drama because baby is firstly very calm, and secondly my husband sleeps a lot lighter than I do and with the result, he does the early-morning feeds (5am – 7am) with no complaints, may I add. And that is the joy of bottle-feeding your baby – your partner can help out anytime, unlike breastfeeding where you end up doing most of the work and staying up all night. Not out of choice though; I wasn’t able to breastfeed because baby’s poor sucking reflex couldn’t help her get the milk out in the amounts that she desired. He is so organised and hands-on, before I know it she’s had a nappy-change, a bottle, a few loud winds, and then she is fast asleep.

Our biggest struggle was not a crying/screaming baby (thankfully), but it was the whole ordeal of winding. It is a complete nightmare. Reason being, she was in a strict 3-hourly feeding routine in hospital, where she would wake up on the dot for her following feed. But when she got home, she started sleeping for longer because she was getting older. And me trying to find my feet with her, I continued to feed her 3-hourly whether she was sleeping or not (the nurses told me never to let babies sleep for more than 4 hours without feeding whereby I would wake her to feed). But feeding babies whilst they are asleep is the worst thing you could do, which I only figured through trial and error. They won’t continue drinking if they have a wind, and they get very uncomfortable if you don’t help them bring it up. We would sit for up to an hour at a time and literally tried every winding technique possible including massages, but nothing worked to bring up the big ones. Then I tried feeding her on demand by letting her wake up for her feeds without keeping count of the hours that go by, and that was the best decision yet. She drinks more and she winds easily. And now that she is getting older it’s a whole lot easier to bring up those winds because she practically does it herself. People (and especially old people) often make suggestions that you use gripe water. I honestly feel that it didn’t work AT ALL. But each to his own, and I just nodded when the suggestions came pouring in. I did however use Telament Colic Drops, which I’m still unsure to whether it works or not, but I’m too damn scared NOT to use it just in case it does indeed do the trick.

Then it’s the issue of going out with your baby. It takes about half the day before you’re actually ready to head out the door, because you no longer have the luxury of only bathing yourself. There’s little one too. So before you think of bathing them, it’s feeding first then they may even feel like taking a short nap directly after that feed which is when you should jump into a quick shower. Then halfway through you’re dressing yourself, they wake up crying for another feed which takes another half-hour. And you can’t bath them directly after a feed because the milk should digest a bit. Then you realise you still have to pack your baby-bag with extra clothing, fresh formula, clean bottles, clean bibs, enough nappies, and in my case a flask I carry around with cooled boiled water that is the perfect temperature (not too hot, not too cold). If your pram is not already in your car (which I suggest you leave in the boot by the way) then it’s packing that as well. So basically it’s a bit of a mission because once you’re done all those things you’re exhausted. And in our case (murphy’s law) as soon as we’re ready to get into the car, baby wakes up for another feed. It can be a dream though, if you’re as prepared as I’ve learnt to be. Preparation is KEY when you have a baby – you’re always thinking 5 steps ahead (I think your brain makes up for the “pregnancy brains” phase after you’ve given birth lol). And of course, if you have a dear helpful husband as I do. I can shout from my bedroom the checklist of everything that we need and he will answer me with “yes” in the politest manner from wherever he is in the house. But the mission of going out shouldn’t stop you from doing so, because it’s refreshing to get out once in a while. Some mothers stay home for weeks in fear that their babies may get sick. On the contrary, I think their immune systems are way more resilient than you are led to believe – and keeping them indoors from getting fresh air may not do wonders for them as you may think. But that’s just my opinion. A few weeks ago we went to Canal Walk, which usually puts me off because I’m not 100% comfortable feeding baby in public, simply because the noise can be very distracting for her. As I made my way to the car to feed her, I bumped into a cleaner, who after I asked where an OPEN baby room was (they are sometimes locked for some stupid reason) directed me to a full-house baby room which had little cubicles that can be cordoned-off for nursing your baby. Which mom wouldn’t enjoy a luxury like this to enhance her shopping experience??

If someone were to tell me a few years ago that I’d be rejoicing at the sight of a useful baby-room in a mall or taking a walk down the baby aisle in Dischem making all kinds of excuses for items that I find exciting but will never use, I would have laughed. Oh wait, there’s a name for that. It’s called parenting J

Happy 4 months baby girl!

It was just about a year ago when we found out that you were coming into this world. Boy did I cry! I could not imagine how my life would change, though it has changed for the better. And now you're already 4 months old, and I can’t imagine what my life would be like without you. From that day I took an oath to love you, protect you and guide you through all walks of life. I promise to be your best friend, to share with you the laughs that life has to offer and to help you bear the burdens that may weigh you down. I will help you overcome any obstacles that may come your way, and together we will bake our sorrows away. I can guarantee that during your life you will experience some form of a test, but remember that Allah the Almighty always knows best. When the world makes you feel as though you’re alone, my door shall remain open for you to come home. Regardless your age I’ll be your number one supporter, for there is no love greater than that between a Mother and a Daughter.

Birth day 24 July 2012

 

7 days old

Now at 4 months old

Love you!

 

 

The bumpy road called NNICU

The world in NNICU is one heck of a rollercoaster; ask any mother who has delivered a prem baby. Premature babies are volatile in their progress, and the strict policy that is adopted by the neonatal unit doesn’t make it any easier for parents in terms of taking your baby home. Of course, they will not allow discharge before they are 150% certain that your baby is healthy and strong enough to sustain him/herself, particularly in terms of feeding.

 

The road to recovery in NNICU for our baby girl was one that lasted two months. Two months of not being able to sleep well. Two months of people constantly asking when our baby will be coming home. Two months of emotional ups and downs; every day being different from the previous one. It may not sound like a long time, but let me tell you that being separated from your little one in his/her first 65 days of life is no joke at all. Seeing other parents walk in and out of the unit, feeling the pain of other mothers whose babies were not progressing, feeling disappointed that our baby was not progressing as fast as others were. It was a complete nightmare. The reason for her extended stay was because baby had been diagnosed with hypotonia, that is the medical term for poor muscle tone. In other words, her muscles were not as tight (tense) as they should be, which causes her to remain a bit “floppy” in which case she has to be supported especially in the neck area. The problem with being diagnosed with hypotonia during early infancy is that it often affects the baby’s ability to feed, as their sucking reflex is either not developed or not strong enough to feed (whether they are breast-fed or bottle-fed). The doctor recommended speech therapy whereby the therapist would help stimulate the baby’s sucking reflex by adopting certain exercises (for example stroking the centre of the tongue with the finger). Regardless of the amount of stimulation she received from speech therapy, she seemed to progress in her own time. We waited in anticipation for the day that she would start sucking. Until then, she would be fed through the nasogastric tube. It was terribly frustrating, since it was the only obstacle that held her back from coming home to us. It was difficult being caught up in the world of NNICU. My life felt as though it had stopped for those 2 months that baby was in hospital– nothing else mattered. I went to hospital every day at least once a day, from the day I was discharged from hospital until the day she came home. Sometimes I even went twice a day. Or thrice. Never mind the fact that I needed rest in order to recover from the op, I just could not bear the thought of her lying in hospital surrounded by unfamiliar faces and voices. What made it harder, was the fact that nobody could tell us when she would be coming home – it was all up to her.  

 

One morning out of the blue, the nurse called me screaming through the phone “SHE FINISHED HER BOTTLE! WITHIN 30 MINUTES!”. I was in complete shock. How could she have finished an entire bottle on her own without any assistance from the nasogastric tube, JUST LIKE THAT? At that moment, I realised our prayers had been answered (after a month and a half). Everything we ever wanted, everything we had prayed for, was finally happening. Alhamdulillah! The speech therapist had recommended the use of a special bottle and teat which was meant for babies who were born with cleft-palates. Of all the bottles that we had tried (Nuk, Nuby, Pigeon, Avent, Tommy Tippee) the special needs bottle seemed to be the magic answer. That entire week, our whole family was on a high. I decided to prepare the nursery, convinced that she’d be coming home. I repacked her clothes in her drawers (for about the eighth time since she’d been born) getting excited as I unfolded the tiny premature vests and tights. I knew it was only a few days until the doctor would tell me that my baby, one of the veterans in the unit, was nearing discharge.

 

The day before the doctor had planned to remove the nasogastric tube for good (the baby is required to feed independently from the nasogastric tube for 24 hours before he/she is discharged), the same nurse called me again. “She didn’t drink her bottle this morning. I sat for 45 minutes and she did absolutely nothing. I’m going to have to tube the feed”. I put down the phone and burst into tears. My husband reassured me that there was still hope; she could just have been exhausted for some reason. The next feed, she was exactly the same. Nothing. It was almost as though she had forgotten how to suck (which often happens to prem babies by the way). All she did was sleep, like a lifeless machine who only knew how to breathe. I spoke to the doctor, who said that we should give baby a break from bottle-feeding for a couple of days. Which only meant one thing: we still didn’t know when she was coming home. I had high hopes, because it was my birthday during that week. I decided that my birthday gift would be her home-coming. But hey, who was I to plan when the Lord above does all the planning? Totally crushed at the dip she had taken, I went to visit her each day and sat there with a heavy heart. All our “neighbours” were on their way home. I begged the doctor to do something, but they couldn’t do much except wait it out. My mom suggested I stay with her for a couple of days, and the doctor suggested that I stay at home. They were afraid that my negative state of mind would affect my baby – they feel what you feel. After a day of taking a break, I decided to go back because I just missed her so much. As I walked in, I saw that she had been moved from a normal cot into an incubator. My heart was racing – what could it be? I walked closer and saw that she was undergoing a blood transfusion. They explained that her blood count was low which may have contributed to her low energy levels (which affected her sucking – it’s hard work for such a tiny being!). I felt terrible, what kind of a selfish mother had I been to be so negative whilst my poor baby girl was going through so much? I watched as she was being pumped with some stranger’s fresh blood. She was sweaty, restless, and crying non-stop. It was the most heart-wrenching experience as a mother. But at the same time, I could instantly see her regaining her strength and energy. I was silently thanking the person who had been the blood donor. It felt good to see her full of life again. I knew then, that this was the beginning of the end. And man, what an ending it was! The transfusion was the best thing that could have happened. She started sucking again, and they removed the nasogastric tube for good. Five days later (during the waqtu of Yoummul Jummu’a), the doctor came to see me. She said she would be discharging our baby angel, and asked if I was prepared to take her home that day. I was ready to rip her head off, what would make her think that I wasn’t ready to take my child home after so long? I rushed home to get her things, my body shaking from the adrenalin whilst I drove home. Everybody in the unit was absolutely thrilled that baby was finally on her way home. It was a bitter-sweet experience saying our goodbyes; it was the only place she recognized as being her home.

Sleeping peacefully in her nest

 

No more tube! :)

 

 

Saying goodbyes...

Welcome to the world, My Love...

One beautiful sunny morning in July during the midst of winter, began my journey into Motherhood. Preparation to meet our little bean took place within one hour of being told she would enter the world 7 weeks earlier than we'd expected. They informed us that she would have to remain in NNICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) for about 2-3 weeks where she would gain her strength and grow to a full-term 40 weeker. It hit me right then and there that I would have to be without my baby for a minimum of 2 weeks, but that wasn't enough to deprive me from my excitement.Yes, I was praying that all would go well and that baby would be safe, but most of all I couldn't wait to meet her and see the little face that had been growing inside of me for the past 33 weeks. It also didn't hit me that I would undergo major abdominal surgery before we would reach the moment of rejoicing at the sight of her. Surprisingly, the entire experience of undergoing a caesearean section was NOT as bad as people made it out to be. Yes, recovery was slightly painful for the first few days, but it was nothing that couldn't be fixed with a delicious shot of morphine every few hours. Like my doctor says, "it goes in like a banana, and then comes out like a pineapple", and that will remain true whether your choice of birthing is vaginal or via c-section. The thing about giving birth, is that people do not always realise that complications may arise which may result in an emergency c-section. Yes, it's easy to think that "it will never happen to me" when you hear stories of other women and their emergency experiences. And then it's often those women who end up having traumatic experiences in the operating theatre because they were so dead-set on giving birth naturally. My advice? Be open-minded. Do your research on all the available options - it's easy to picture what your ideal birth plan would be. But keep in mind that it could go any which way depending on circumstances. I know that for most pregnant women (especially first pregnancies) the idea of birth in general creates anxiety. I remember whilst doing my research and watching videos of women giving natural birth, I would sit at my desk at work with tears streaming down my face all in the name of fear and anxiety. Then I remember getting into a discussion with a group of women who felt that c-sections were a way of "cheating" the natural method of giving birth, and that c-sections "were so much less invasive" than vaginal birth - which I believe is a very simplistic and degrading way to judge a mother who had been sliced open through countless layers of tissue and muscle and then sacrificing several weeks of recovery too. But hey, that's a whole other topic of discussion which I'd like to get into later on in my blog, so I'll resist the temptation to have a debate about it now.

So 15-minutes into surgery, I asked my husband how far the doctor was and whether they have already proceeded to cut me open. To my surprise, he told me that they had already taken the baby out and that they were in the process of stitching up my soon-to-be battle scar. In disbelief, I looked over to the neonatologist (specialist who delivers premature babies) who was examining the baby before they gave my husband the honour of clamping the umbilical cord. She gave a few small cries that sounded like a little kitten sneezing, and the room was filled with laughter from the nurses and doctors on-board. And then, I got to kiss her and take a look at her tiny little face for a few seconds before they whisked her off to the NNICU. Only now that I am recollecting all the memories of my experience, I realise that her premature delivery deprived me from holding her against me which mothers who carry full-term often have the privilege to do. However, I was so full of morphine at the time from the epidural and anaesthesia that everything seemed blurry and all I wanted was to be left alone so I could sleep it off. Obviously, and due to the c-section, I was unable to walk around and as a result did not see my little angel as she was in NNICU down the hall from me. I think that subconsciously I didn't want to face the reality of her being tied up to wires and machines, so I didn't feel distraught that I could not see her. Luckily her dad spent all day with her standing next to her open-air incubator and he would show me photo's that he'd taken. The day after surgery the nurses (who were lovely by the way) helped me get on my feet again and I was on my way to see our baby girl in her little nest surrounded by a team of the best ICU nurses and doctors. I was so afraid to hold her, and it broke my heart to such a small baby being wired up to so many monitors - it's really overwhelming when you don't know what the monitos and machines are doing for your baby. But it's all routine and perfectly normal for the nurses to monitor these prem babies as they are so volatile in terms of breathing complications, especially when the lungs are not fully developed etc. So instead of picking her up, there I stood holding a tiny hand with the biggest lump in my throat. The only thing that kept me from breaking down was having to be strong for her while she was lying there away from the only thing that felt like home for her - me.

And then the day came when I finally held her - about 2 days after giving birth. It was absolutely amazing to be holding her for the first time. I got to hold her against me, skin-to-skin (aka Kangaroo Mothercare which is excellent for bonding and promoting weight gain). She was a tiny 1.77kg's and light as a feather. She was being fed through a nasogastric tube, (which is inserted through the nose and runs all the way down to the stomach) as most prem babies are (depending on how prem they are), due to the sucking reflex not being fully developed yet. So there I sat, her small body resting against my chest under my pajama shirt. Suddenly all the feelings of helpless guilt that had previosuly consumed me for not being able to sit by her side, had fallen away. She was off the oxygen machine that helped her to breathe on her own, and that in itself was the biggest relief. No more scary big mask on her small little face. She was beautiful, angelic. Looking down at her I found myself drowning in a pool of emotions, mostly for the fact that she was, and is, a miracle. After much googling what to expect week-by-week through my entire pregnancy trying to get an idea of what the fetus looked like at each passing week, she was finally right in front of me. It was difficult not having her with me after 8 whole months of filling my belly, but seeing her in the flesh made it all worth it. I remember a woman in the bed next to me in my room had asked me how I coped with not having my baby sleep with me like the other mothers. But the mere fact that my baby was alive and well, and that we would only be separated for 3 weeks as opposed to an indefinite amount of time, made me the happiest mother in the world. Little did I know the bumpy road that lay ahead...

*After much debate with myself whether to upload pics of her tiny being whilst she was in NNICU, I have decided against it merely because I feel that she should have a choice in the matter. I will however post some recent pics of her in posts to come :) * Please also note that I have made a conscious decision to share our challenging story for public viewing, simply for inspiration and not to gain any benefit for myself whatsoever.*